Desperate Dictator Housewives - Zimbabwe's Grace Mugabe

Or 'Dis Grace' as she is dubbed by many Zimbabweans, the delightful Grace is usually referred to as 'the mother of the nation' in the government-controlled media. London's Sun newspaper called her 'Gucci Grace'. The 45 year old wife of ageing Zimbabwean leader, Robert Mugabe, has made the news lately with her announcement that she will be suing the opposition Zimbabwean newspaper the Standard for $15 million, as the Guardian reports, 'for reporting allegations released by Wikileaks that she had made "tremendous" profits in the illicit diamond trade'. Ouch! She is the first person implicated in the leaked US State Department cables to take legal action on a media outlet on account of publishing their details.

So who is Grace Mugabe and why is she up in arms about these allegations? Let's see if you notice a pattern emerging here. Grace was born in 1965 and raised a good Catholic. Her first husband was an air force pilot who now is posted at the very important Zimbabwean embassy in Beijing, China. Grace scored well when she became the secretary of Zimbabwe's president Robert Mugabe, a hero in Africa for having successfully fought against the racist Rhodesian regime of Ian Smith to gain Zimbabwe's independence in 1980. It wasn't long before Robert was having it off with his secretary, 41 years his junior, and she gave birth to two children out of wedlock - a girl named Bona after Robert Mugabe's mother and a boy named Robert Junior (wise choices). Word has it that Robert made sure Grace's then-hubby be whisked out of the country. Robert Mugabe was a widower at the time as his first wife, the Ghanaian-born and much respected Sally Hayfron, the original 'mother of the nation', had died in 1992. In 1996, Robert and Grace married in an extravagant Catholic mass, and in 1997 Grace gave birth to their third child.

I snared him! Robert and Grace at their wedding in 1996

Grace since then has led a lifestyle as extravagant as her wedding. Her shopping trips to Europe, where she was once spent $120,000 in one go, are notorious. Her weakness is for shoes. These lavish trips were happening while Zimbabwe was economically in dire straits, no food in the shops, public services non-existent and Zimbabweans were experiencing the greatest hyperinflation of all time. Mugabe blamed the West, while the West blamed Mugabe for the economic chaos. That was hardly any comfort for the suffering Zimbabweans. In any case, Grace's shopping betrayed her responsibility as the new 'mother of the nation'. Alas, these trips to Europe and the USA are over as she, along with over 50 other high-positioned Zimbabweans, are barred entry. Oh well, she goes to China and Hong Kong instead, where her daughter Bona is supposedly studying. Grace, ever living up to her name, was involved in a scuffle with a British photographer in Hong Kong last year. The diamond-encrusted bling she was wearing ensured that the photographer was covered in cuts. Being the wife of a president, she was immune from any prosecution - convenient.

You mess with Grace, she mess your face

Grace naturally has a luxurious pile to put all that shopping in. Her first palace, dubbed 'Gracelands' (the Zimbabweans are so cool with these nicknames), was according to La Mugabe paid with her own savings. She does well then... you'd think she'd be selling diamonds then to get money like that... oops. It goes without saying in scenarios like these that Grace is alleged to be linked to the most profitable businesses in the country. Gracelands has since been sold to Libya's Muammar Qaddafi, and she and Robert now live in a bigger palace. She also built mansions in Zvimba, Mugabe’s rural home, ostensibly because she did not want to live in another mansion that Mugabe had built for the first wife; at Chivhu, her hometown; and in Zimbabwe's capital Harare. She is reported to have several farms in the country and properties in Malaysia and Hong Kong. Ownership of the farms is extremely controversial as many of them were seized in nationalist land occupation campaigns. In the past decade, Robert Mugabe and his ruling ZANU-PF party have presided over this controversial land campaign. Using the last thread of his respect as a freedom fighter, they have mobilised many poor Zimbabweans and veterans from the war of independence to reclaim the farmers' land. However, it seems that some of these farms end in the hands of the likes of Grace Mugabe rather than the landless peasants these seizures are supposedly orchestrated for.

Now, for something different, Grace is bit of a clothes horse too! Just like the other 'desperate housewives', she has a thing for making the bold fashion statement. Some have thought that she was trying to 'outdo Princess Diana' by buying glamorous outfits, some of which 'did not seem appropriate for the African climate'. So let's have a look at Grace and her fashion look. Would Nina Garcia approve...?

Now, the word has it that Grace has been involved in extra-marital affairs with younger, rich and flamboyant business men, some of whom were killed or forced to flee the country. But the biggest scandal to hit Zimbabwe this year was when it was reported Grace has had a six year affair with Gideon Gono, Zimbabwe's central bank chief. Gono's a smart one for figures. His main mantra when it comes to economics and Zimbabwe's economy is simple - print more money! He was the one responsible for the one hundred trillion dollar note, which by the time it hit the streets was worth less than the paper it was printed on. While on his watch the Zimbabwean economy collapsed. So yes, he's just marginally better that those other guys controlling the world's economy. But all this was no problem for Gono, as being a religious man he would regularly make biblical references in his monetary policy statements. For instance, he usually ends in policy statements to the Zimbabwean parliament by saying "In the Lord's hands, I commit this Monetary Policy Framework for our economic turnaround." It's going to take more than Lord's hand to turn things around in Zimbabwe now, matey.

Off to the Harare shops. Where's that wheelbarrow?

Anyway, news of this affair was seen as logical 'confirmation' that part of Mugabe's 'manhood had been removed during the years he was incarcerated under the former Rhodesian government' and therefore 'he was unable to satisfy his wife'. However, a Zimbabwean website claims that a ZANU-PF official believes (that's reliable) Mugabe’s 'impotence' is what also led his first wife to have an affair with his brother Albert. This subsequently led to Albert’s mysterious death in 1982 after Mugabe discovered his brother was doing the dirties with the missus. Hmmm... so go explain how Mugabe was able to have three kids with Grace then?

Gono and Grace... 'business' partners

Now this telenovela gets even more telenovela. So how did Mugabe find out about his cheating wife, Grace? Of course, Mugabe’s late sister, Sabina, is said to have revealed the sensational affair to her brother as she lay dying in a Harare hospital. Sabina had never liked Grace and she just couldn't hold it back. Robert was apparently taken aback about the revelation and needed to ask a bodyguard to positively confirm the rumour, which he did. Robert Mugabe had apparently encouraged the 'friendship' between his wife and his best friend thinking that when the pair would met, they would discuss their mutual business interests. Well, if this is to believed, they were doing more than just talking business.

So there's today's episode. Yet again, we have another case of a corrupt elite, living beyond the bounds of decency and respect, while the people they claim to serve live in poverty. The (scary) thing is that more 'episodes' are on their way...