Desperate Central Asian Housewives

So which one is Gabrielle and which one is Bree? Out with the claws and in with the face lift! The Guardian has been revealing not-so-new info about lucky Central Asian bitches. It pays to be married to, or have daddy as, prez of your own Central Asian fiefdom. The latest US State Department cables have detailed more about the lifestyles of the rich and well-connected of those dictatorial and corrupt ex-Soviet republics that have a lot of natural resources that the West wants. First up, the glamour puss herself, Azerbaijan's first lady Mehriban Alieyeva. As the cable (worth the read for the level of cattiness - so Dynasty!) testifies:

Mehriban Aliyeva appears to have had substantial cosmetic surgery, presumably overseas, and wears dresses that would be considered provocative even in the Western world (reftel). On television, in photos, and in person, she appears unable to show a full range of facial expression.

The cable continues with the bitch gossip with this piece:

[Aliyeva] and her two daughters hosted Second Lady Lynne Cheney [then US vice-president Dick Cheney's wife] for dinner in September 2008. Prior to the Second Lady's arrival, while the three ladies were waiting for Mrs. Cheney's car, one Secret Service agent asked "which one of those is the mother?" Embassy officials and White House staff studied the three for several moments, and then the Embassy official said, "Well, logically the mother would probably stand in the middle."

A bowl of milk for the US embassy in Baku! This cable is the second in a series detailing the power clans of Azerbaijani society. Mehriban's family, the Pashayevs, control a large part of the Baku area and some of Azerbaijan's major industries. Aliyeva is also a deputy in the rubber-stamp Azerbaijani parliament (she gets immunity) and also sells Bentleys! Oh, and she is president of her late father-in-law's charity fund - these dictator wives are always into 'charity'. But check out these pics of La Aliyeva. What do you think - plastic surgery, botox, alien? The first shot is her with the daughters. Guess who's mama?

Mutton dressed as lamb would be too kind to say here

Someone gets their glamour tips from Turkish soap operas
I detect she could be trying to smile here

Continuing with the theme of rich bitch Central Asians. The Guardian seems to have hit gold with the cables detailing the vile daughter of Uzbekistani dictator Islom Karimov, Gulnara. La Karimova has been a 'favourite' of mine, especially as for someone who hasn't even reached 40, she's done it all! Pop star, designs jewellry, AIDS charities, PhD, studied in the US, spends time with Tom and Katie Cruise, university lecturer... everything. Oh, and she has her hands in every profitable business in Uzbekistan, only that she constantly denies it. Just one thing - this is all news to the Guardian and many in the West. This is where these WikiLeaks-leaked cables fall short - this is just not news. Anyone with a fleeting interest in Uzbekistan could have told you this. Actually, the 'news' the Guardian is gleening from this cable is already out-of-date. Gulnara's pop career is over, and she is not 'alleged' to be living in Geneva or Spain - she does live in Spain. It has something to do with the fact that she's the Uzbekistani ambassador to Spain.

But the Guardian and the original cable did get one thing right - she is detested in Uzbekistan (and beyond). Here are some shots of her excellency...

Gosh I'm smart!

Keeping up with the no-taste tyrant tradition!

Gulnara at the Lacroix fashion show - did you expect anything less?

Now what would Michael Kors on Project Runway have to say about this frock?

Now, the disgusting part. What these cables do show is that the United States is aware of the excesses these women live, thanks mainly to the corrupt system that their menfolk have been able to cultivate. Fully aware of this, what does the United States government, the worldwide defender of freedom and democracy do? It supports these countries! As what a recent article on the Common Dreams website about Central Asia pointed out, it's easier for the West to obtain the huge amounts of natural resources these countries possess by paying a kickback to a dictator rather than having to negotiate with an elected parliament. The only Central Asian president to have been democractically elected in the region was Kyrgyzstan's Askar Akayev - who was ousted by a US-funded 'colour revolution' in 2005 because, get this, he was 'autocratic and corrupt'. He was only replaced by Kurmanbek Bakiyev, who along with his son Maxim, were so unbelievably corrupt (and also subject to many WikiLeaks cables) that the Kyrgyz toppled them in a popular revolution earlier this year.

In the meantime, while these cables have brought attention to the high level of corruption in the region, these ruling cliques still get away with daylight robbery. So much for the dream that the collapse of the USSR would usher a new age of freedom for these people. The shame is that these tittilating stories of excess may be entertainment for those in the West but only casts continued misery for those who live under their rule.