Hit Parade for second half of 2013 - Part 2

Russia - Lena Dark - Dosvidos (Bye Bye)
Armenia Lilit Hovhannisyan - Gnchu
Israel - Li'or Narkis feat. Arnisa - Amalya
Serbia - Ljupka Stević - Etiketa (Label)
Bulgaria - Malina - Ako shte da zvynish (If You're Going To Ring)
Israel - Ma'or Edri - Hakol Katov (Everything Is Written)
Israel - Margalit Tzen'ani and Zehava Ben - Kul Ha'olam (The Sound of the World)
Serbia - Marko Mandić feat. Sara Jo - Ujutru (Mornings) Russia/Armenia - Mart Babayan - Holodno (Cold)
Croatia - Mejaši - Zorica
Cyprus - Mihalis Hatzigiannis - I agapi dynamonei (Love Strengthens)
Serbia - Milos Brkic - Sipaj, ne pitaj (Pour, Don't Ask)
DPR Korea - Moranbong - Udeungdul (Right Light)
Croatia - Moskva - Ne boli me (Don't Hurt Me)
Israel - Oshrit Malka - Takshivu Tov (Listen Carefully)
Uzbekistan - Oybek Yoqubov - Bir qorob qo'y
Bosnia-Herzegovina - Parole - Dosta, dosta, dosta (Enough, Enough, Enough)
Macedonia - Petar Nechovski - Zholto fustanche (Little Yellow Dress)
Ukraine - Real O - Gde zhe ty, lyubov (Where Are You Then, Love)
Kosovo - Remzije & Nexhat Osmani - Luj qyqek
Macedonia - Sanja Risteska - Me zabole (You Made Me Ill)

Hit Parade for first half 2013 Part 3

Yes, there are more...

Macedonia - Petar Nečoski - Velgoška ubavice (The Beautiful Girl from Velgošti)
Turkey - Petek Dinçöz - Heves (Whim)
Bulgaria - Preslava - Ti da vidish (Just You See)
Azerbaijan - Ramal - Niyə (Why)
Uzbekistan - Rayhon - Qani
Israel - Ron Weinreich - Love is One
Dagestan (Russia) - Rustam Akhmedkhanov - V okeane glaz tvoikh tonu (I'm drowning in the ocean of your eyes)
 
Croatia - Severina - Ko me tjerao (Who made me...)
Croatia - Severina - Tarapana (Uproar)
Croatia - Severina - Uzbuna (Alarm) Uzbekistan/Russia - Shakhzoda - Imey v vidu (Bear In Mind)
Serbia - Snežana Babić Sneki - Tudjina (Abroad)
Uzbekistan - Tamila - Kel ayama
Turkey - Tarkan - Aşk Gitti Bizden (Love Has Left Us)
Ukraine - TiK - Endorfiny (Endorphins)
Dagestan (Russia) - Timur and Khasbulat Rakhmanovy - Bello momento
Croatia - Toni Cetinski - Opet si pobijedila (You Have Won Again)
Russia - Valerii Meladze - Svet ukhodyashchego solnca (The Light of the Setting Sun)
Bulgaria - Veselina - Iskam (I Want)
Israel - Yaniv Ram - Ani Chozer (I'm Tired)
Serbia - Željko Joksimović - Ludak kao ja (A Mad Person Like Me)
Bosnia-Herzegovina - Zemka - Potraži s kim sam sinoć spavala (Find The Person With Whom I Slept With Last Night)
Uzbekistan - Ziyoda - Voy alamey
Ukraine - Zlata Ognevich - Za lisamy, za horamy (Beyond the Forests and Hills)
Russia - Yurii Shatunov - Tet-a-tet

Hit Parade for first half 2013 Part 2

The hits plug on...

Israel - The Revivo Project feat. Eli Luzon - Machrozet Yaldati Chezri (Come Back My Child Medley)
Greece - Haris Kostopoulos - Parapatisa (Stumbling)
Greece - Hristos Galanos - Kalo paidi (Bad Kid)
Israel - Idan Raichal Project - Olam Shalem (The Whole World)
Israel/Caucasus - Ilif Yagudaev - Diana
 Bulgaria - Joanna & Leo - 100 neshta (100 Things)
Dagestan (Russia) - Irina Alishikhova - Bud' mne zvezdoy (Be My Star)
Bulgaria - Ivena - A4
Macedonia - Joška - Umri na čas (Kill Me A Little)
Macedonia - Kaliopi - Mrvica (Crumb)
USSR - Karen Avanesyan & Gia Gagua - Russkii ty ne zabyvay (Don't Forget Russian)
Turkey - Kenan Doğulu & Ozan Doğulu - Bunlarda Geçer
Hungary - Légió bulizenekar - Legtöbb ember ott
Macedonia - Ljupče Vasilev - Topi ritamot (The Rhythm Is Burning)
Macedonia - Ljupčo Jovanovski Bube - Vojna i ljubov (War and Love)
Croatia/Slovenia - Lollobrigida - Ja se resetiram ( I Am Resetting Myself) Croatia/Slovenia - Lollobrigida - Pilula
Bulgaria/Macedonia - Magda & Igor Šareski - Obich po-jestoka ot omraza (Love Is More Intense Than Hate)

 Dagestan (Russia) - Magomed Alikperov - Ostrov Barbuda (The Island of Barbuda)
Albania - Mimoza Shkodra - Jo mos e kerko (Not Required)
Serbia - Mirjana Aleksić - Sladak rastanak (Sweet Break Up)
Korea - Moranbong Band - Pae'uja (Let's Learn)
Brazil - Munhoz & Mariano - Eu vou pegar você tãe Kosovo - Murat Gjoniku - E bukur si flori (Beautiful as Gold)
Albania - Nikoleta Vokrri - Hajde vëlla (Come On, Brother)
Russia - Oleg Vinnik - Zdravstvuy nevesta (Hello Bride)

Hit Parade for first half 2013 Part 1

Here are the hits from around the world that have touched me in some way...

Uzbekistan - Afruz - Yoqimtoy
Russia - Alika Bogatyreva - Zhivi (Live)
Turkey - Alişan - Ayakta Zor Duruyorum (I can barely sit still)
Egypt - Amina - El Leyla (The Night)
Russia - Andrei Lenitskii - Zhguchaya (Burning)
Dagestan (Russia) - Alsan Guseynov - Bozhe moy! (Oh God!)
Dagestan (Russia) - Alsan feat. Alesker - Devochka zagadka (Mystery Girl)
Kosovo - Beatrix Ramosaj - Dilema (Dilemma)
Russia - Blestyashchie - Miliy moy (My Dear Boy)
Israel - Boaz Sharabi - Ani Same'ach Bach (I'm Happy For You)
Uzbekistan - Bunyod - Zulayho
Israel - Chanan - Sapri Li (Tell Me)
Algeria/France - Khaled - Ana Aachek Algeria/France - Khaled - Samira Algeria/France - Khaled - Wili Wili Algeria/France/USA - Khaled feat. Pitbull - Hiya Hiya
Serbia - Dara Bubamara - Delete
Turkey - Demet Akalın - Giderli Şarkılar (Draining Songs)
Macedonia - Eksplosiv - Te sakam (I Want You)
Macedonia - Elena Velevska & Ljupče Vasilev - Liceto na sovesta (In the Face of Conscience)
Macedonia - Esma Redžepova & Vlatko Lozanoski - Imperija (Empire)
Israel - Gal Itzchak - Hakarav Elayich (The Fight For You)
Bulgaria - Galena - Pak li (Again?)
Turkey - Gülben Ergen - Durdurun Dünyayı (Stop the World)

Eurovision 2013 - Second Semi Final

Anyone order a kitchen sink to throw into their Eurovision performance?

Eurovision overload! Remember the days when it was just on for the one night? They didn't even have Facebook back then! I know... scary! How did we live?? (Quite fine, merci). Now it's a full week festival of sequins, wind machines, a whole gaggle of topless male dancers, some rather hideous frocks (even on the women!) and more kitchen sinks that you can poke a stainless steel tap at. With all this in mind, let's go and rummage through the delectable delights awaiting us come Thursday night's second semi final...

1. LATVIA - PeR - Here We Go

And go you shall, right back to Riga, immediately after you've had your three minutes of ... erm... this. How come PeR were allowed to enter two songs to the Eirodziesma comp? And how come the worse of the two made it through? Questions, questions!

2. SAN MARINO - Valentina Monetta - Crisalide (Vola)

Valentina obviously is one for a dare, or else how can she justify embarrassing herself last year with the dire Facebook Social Media Song written by Mr Eurovision himself, Ralph Siegel. To make amends for last year's pile of pong, Valentina is back with two songs for the price of one. A very dramatic piece (or pieces, as you may) that suits its Italian delivery, which has scored high with the fans. Many have this as a certain qualifier... but is it? Even though I do like this song, I have a premonition that all will fail on the night and yet again San Marino will not make it to the next round. Sorry guys, as much as it pains me to say it this time, this song is fanwank.

Esma, 70, showing more joie de vivre than her accountant, Lozano, 27. 

3. MACEDONIA - Esma & Lozano - Pred da se razdeni (Before Dawn Breaks)

Hmmm... Macedonia. What a journey we have been on with this song... and its predecessor. Let's just say that Macedonia is its own worst enemy when it comes to its sense of cultural pride. The country just doesn't seem to get it. Back in December it was announced that Macedonia will be sending one of its popular pop singers, Vlatko Lozanoski Lozano, who has a great voice but hardly an image of cool, teamed up with legendary and colourful Roma queen of song, Esma Redžepova-Teodosievska. A rather odd couple, but what Macedonians were being promised was a repeat of Esma's collaboration with the late Macedonian pop sensation and 2004 entrant Toše Proeski, when they scored Macedonia's 2002 hit of the year with their duet Magija. The song was entrusted to Esma's main composer and adopted son, Simeon Atanasov, and Dejan Momiroski, one of Macedonia's top turbofolk composers. Lyricist was Borče Nečovski, who mainly writes Turbofolk songs. Now, Turbofolk is a much maligned, though the popular, music genre in Macedonia, so it was a brave sign that the Macedonian authorities had overcome their otherwise antagonistic attitude to Turbofolk and its purveyors and entrusted these musicians to compose a song to represent the country. The result of their work came in the form of Imperija (Empire), which was presented with a fancy video clip which showcased the controversial renovation works of Macedonia's capital Skopje, featuring the statue of Alexander the Great  the Warrior on a Horse, and the huge Archaeology Museum. The lyrics also had cryptic references to Alexander, such as 'empire' and 'strongest force on the planet'. The reaction from the Eurovision fans was overwhelmingly positive, which is a major change from previous Macedonian entries. The reaction in Macedonia was the complete opposite. Social media went off with people complaining about the song citing, among other things, the poor lyrics (yes, because the rest of Europe will really be paying attention to them as they all know Macedonian ... not!). Others who are against the Skopje renovation programme complained that the song and clip were just ads for the government. The opposition, seeing an opportunity to score some political points, whipped up a frenzy against the song, claiming that the people behind the song being from the Turbofolk have created one of the 'worst songs ever' and that having such a song appear on the Eurovision stage would sully Macedonia's image in front of the rest of Europe (like Europe really cares). Of course, none of the Macedonian naysayers had paid attention to the largely positive reaction from Europe to this song. Still, internal negative reaction was apparently so strong that it was only within hours of Imperija's release that the video had been taken off Youtube and a new replacement song commissioned, only this time with 'dignified' pop composers. And with little time, the new composers brought out the new song that will be seen on Thursday, which now has Lozano as the main performer while Esma has been relegated to a feature role, playing up the gypsy stereotype that shows how dated this concept of a song is. This, folks, is supposedly what constitutes as 'dignified' to a European audience. So how was the reaction to this new song from Europe - mostly negative. So well done, Macedonia! Replacing a good song that only needed some tweaking (i.e. Esma to soup it up) with something that is rather dire and just a cheap, poor quality copy of Magija, just proves that Macedonia continues to focus its Eurovision entries solely at capturing votes from ex-Yugo countries only. So you can imagine how they have shot themselves in the foot when allocated into a semi final with no other ex-Yugo countries in it! There have been talk of a hurried switch to singing in English, but this too-little-too-late change risks an unaffordable fine. The only thing that will save this song is Esma being herself, but even that may not be enough, so I'm predicting that the pair will be back watching the final in Skopje. I can already imagine the word on the Macedonian streets pointing the blame on this failure to qualify solely on Esma (because she's gypsy), though the whole process so far has shown that Macedonia, and the Balkans in general, needs to accept and be proud of their true selves and not apply unrealistic and outdated cultural norms of what is supposedly 'dignified' and 'western'. Rant over.

No, that is not Farid there on the right.

4. AZERBAIJAN - Farid Mammadov - Hold Me

Oh my gawd! It's Cousin Jim from Acropolis Now singing for Azerbaijan! OK, so only Aussies of a certain age will know what I mean by this, but 24-year-old, capoeira-loving Farid does have the same monobrow as Greek-Aussie comedian Nick Giannopoulos. Farid and his well-oiled PR machine (oiled... appropriately termed in many ways) have been drip-feeding images of their performer exposing his well muscled torso (more topless males!), which has scored the guy a large gay following. What an irony, give Azerbaijan's gay rights record, but perhaps the Azeris learnt a thing of two last year about the Eurovision when the pink brigade appeared in Baku. So how about the song? Well, it's an inoffensive and dull song that the Azeri president's pop star son-in-law Emin would have rejected (for not being dull enough). Did you want some kitchen sinks to go in with this? Well, fear not! There are kitchen sinks a plenty in this performance... just you wait and see! This will clearly qualify, primarily for the stage performance. Fickle!

5. FINLAND - Krista Siegfriends - Marry Me

There was so much anti to this from the fans when this was first featured in the Finnish selection. God, those fanboys can be rather serious and humourless then. I'd wonder what they'd think then of Lady Gaga's Marry the Night? Obviously they couldn't see that this was a Katy Perry-esque tongue-in-cheek take on predatory future bridezillas (and some guys, like some of the fanboys - bit too close to the bone then?) who are beyond desperate to get married. We all know the type, and Krista is embodying it with much gusto and cheeky winks. This will be a real tour de force and should get the viewing public and auditorium into as much as a frenzy as her alter ego's frustrated attempts of tying the knot. Definite qualifier, and if the Swedes are kind to them with the running position come final night, a top 10 finish.

6. MALTA - Gianluca - Tomorrow

A rather cute and quirky-ish (for Eurovision) song by Gianluca. Must say that I did not take to this song the first time I heard/saw it at the Maltese selection final - seemed like half of Malta was in the audience of that hall that night. Oh, and I just love the way how the Maltese say Vo-da-fone! Getting back to the song, Gianluca performs this well, the lyrics are great, but my worry is that it if it took me a few listens to get into this song, then how will the viewing public react when most of them will only get to see it once? I still say it's qualifying, so good luck and fresh pastizzis to Gianluca.

Bulgaria's Elitsa Todorova: She has back-up singers for a reason!

7. BULGARIA - Elitsa Todorova and Stoyan Yankulov - Samo shampioni (Only Champions)

OK, let's just get one thing straight here - Elitsa cannot sing well live! There, I said it.
Bulgaria has not had a great record at Eurovision, only having once qualified for the final in 2007, though making it to a respectable fifth place in the end. So, it's rather desperate that BNT decided that it would employ their only successful Eurovision act again this year to try to make it into the final. In Bulgaria, Elitsa and Stoyan are considered to be rather artistic that they mixed traditional Bulgarian singing and music with other world and modern music elements... oh, and a helluva lot of drumming. This is opposed to Bulgaria's most popular music genre, Popfolk (like Macedonia's Turbofolk mentioned before) - which, despite its popularity, is widely disparaged as kitschy and lacking in substance. Well, I can't see how Elitsa and Stoyan's compositions are any different - actually, they are kitschier and cheaper than popfolk. And I repeat, Elitsa is a hopeless singer live. Of course, people outside the Balkans wouldn't have the foggiest if Elitsa is any good at all at her singing, but many Balkanites can (painfully) hear how lacking in technique she is. Let's just say that she's no Yanka Rupkina or Nedya Keranova (heard of them? Nah, I didn't think so). However, it also says a lot about European audiences that the only Bulgarian musical product that seems acceptable to them is this type of  traditional Bulgarian music, as none of Bulgaria's pop efforts have wowed them. Still, this repeat of 2007 will make it into the final because it's ethnic and it's intellectual (you know, in that 'wearing glasses' type of way) to like ethnicky stuff, so there's the votes. However, I think it's time that Bulgaria, like Macedonia, gets over itself and sends some popfolk - at least Bulgaria does that music well!

8. ICELAND - Eyðor Ingi - Ég á líf (I Am Alive)

An anthemic number from Thor with long hair. Not really turning me on, but it has the elements to turn Europe on. Wow, some 23 years old look beyond their years. Qualifying.

9. GREECE - Koza Mostra feat. Agathonas Iakovidis - Alcohol Is Free

Yet another misnomer of a song, especially when sung in Sweden where alcohol is a tad on the 'only for very special occasions' side. OK, so at least Greece have taken a break from the usual laika moderna stuff it normally sends, though I must admit that with the Greek final this year I was very much going for Angeliki Iliadi and her laika moderna 1001 Nights. I'm still quite shocked that the Greek public didn't pick it, as Iliadi was the only big name among the artists trying out for the Eurovision berth. So it was not to be. Instead we have a ska band in kilts featuring an old rembetika musician - Greece just can't let that bouzouki go, but at least they recognise that they do the bouzouki well. As for the guys in kilts, well, this may be a bit 'way-out' in Greece but it's hardly ground breaking or shocking in western Europe (more passé than anything else). Still, this is Greece and anything they seem to throw at the European crowd (reminiscing of holidays in Rhodes or Crete) guarantees them a place in the final, so if Bulgaria does not make it, then this will. Well, if crap like last year's and the year before's Greek songs can make the final and even score high, then surely we can expect the same for this. *Sigh*

Moran Mazor: Where's Gok Wan when you need him?

10. ISRAEL - Moran Mazor - Rak Bishvilo (Only For Him)

Moran, Moran. Please sit down with me and let's kibitz! Now darling, we need to do something about your dress. Sorry, but if there was ever a case where a dress is wearing someone rather than someone wearing the dress, then this is sample number 1. This has Barbara Dex Award written all over it. Miss Mazor's (lack of) dress sense has been the talk of Eurovisionia lately, as a firm example of how something as simple as an inappropriate plunging neckline, visible panty lines and flary fishtail can immediately focus attention away to what is actually a well sung Mizrachi/Pop ballad. I just don't get it? How come Israel could get Shiri Maimon in 2005 into Eurovision's most stunning dress of the last decade then get Moran Mazor into something so hideous? Very Björk swan dress moment. I know, let's get Joan Rivers on the line to Moran to knock some sense into the girl in true Polish Jewish style - brutally! Honestly, what would Tim Gunn have to say about this frock, even if it has been bedazzled with Swarovski rocks? Come on, Adele is a perfect style icon to follow. See, all this talk about dresses and hardly about the song - that's the horror ending that Israel is facing at this Eurovision. Unfortunately, our primitive superficiality will scupper all chances of Israel in the final yet again. OK, I've said enough or else the Israeli hubby will crack, and we must not let that happen now, do we?

Now Moran, darling, this is how you should look on the night! This is Miss Mazor on a (rare) good day.

11. ARMENIA - The Dorians - Lonely Planet

The Eurovision fans aren't rating this song highly, but then again, we've been here before with rock songs of past, only for them to not only make the final but also finish top 10 (Georgia 2011 comes to mind). Apparently Tony Iommi from legendary heavy metal band Black Sabbath is the mastermind behind this rather nondescript rock dirge, that contrary to first impressions is not sponsored by the alike-named travel book company. I thought that after having sat out the Eurovision last year while arch nemesis Azerbaijan took the kudos (and controversy - bit of an own goal in Armenia's favour) for hosting, their past usual revengeful behaviour would have suggested that Armenia would be wanting to win this contest like Lance Armstrong on drugs. But no, it won't be happening with this song. Me thinks that the Armenians are playing it cool and waiting for a few years to pass until they go for the big prize, so as no comparisons of a Yerevan Eurovision can be made with the Baku bash of 2012. In any case, I do believe that song will not be lonely of points and will surprise the fans when the Dorians will appear on the grand stage come Saturday.

12. HUNGARY - ByeAlex - Kedvesem (My Darling)

ByeAlex, which I take is not the name his mamma gave him, doesn't really have a look for Eurovision - more hipster than anything else, without a trace of sequin or feather to him. So this does not pose well for Hungary's chances, you may say. But, we seem to have Hungary's answer to French pop genius and 2008 entrant Sébastien Tellier here. Let's just hope he gets more Eurovision recognition for his talent though. After having passed the possible presentation problems (hey, he has three minutes to woo Europe, and offering a bottle of vino and a block of fruit and nut chocolate just won't work here), the video clip showed that if the visual is directed elsewhere, we have here a charming and unique (to Eurovision) song that skillfully employs the otherwise impenetrable language of Hungarian - you gotta love vowel harmony! I have this song going through to Saturday's big wind machine, thanks mainly to the wisdom of the national juries. Fingers crossed!

Margaret Berger feeding her love. I'll take the low fat option, thanks.

13. NORWAY - Margaret Berger -  I Feed You My Love

Enter the Valkyrie into Eurovision Valhalla! Margaret, her song, stage presentation, the age-old juxtaposition of black vs white / good vs evil, fabulous and appropriate frock, the hint of Norse imagery and mythology ... ok, just about everything about this Norwegian entry is absolutely breathtaking! Also great to have some darkness to the proceedings in a way that only the Norwegians can provide. You might have guessed so far (oh, go on, have a stab in the dark here) that this is my favourite song in the contest this year. No need to say much more but it's in the final and top 5 to boot! Go Margaret!

14. ALBANIA - Adrian Lulgjuraj & Bledar Sejko - Identitet (Identity)

Now, who's in for some prog rock that sounds suspiciously similarly to some Serbian rock song from 25 years ago? You? Well, all your summer sales seasons have come at once because that's what these Albanian blokes have brought us. Back in December when Albanian TV traditionally went into overtime yet again while broadcasting the seemingly never-ending Festivali i Këngës, the Albanian powers that be chose this song, condensed it and voilá. Archenemy Serbia cried fowl claiming that Mr Lulgjuraj and Mr Bledar took the main chord from Serbian rock star Bajaga's 1988 hit 'Plavi safir' (Blue Sapphire). The Eurovision bosses dismissed the Serbian charges though, but it does come after the Albanians claimed that the ESC 2007 winning Serbian song, Molitva, by Marija Šerifović, had copied a couple of notes from Albanian singer Soni Malaj's Ndarja (yeah, you know the song... everyone does!). OK, back to this year and withstanding a guaranteed 12 points from neighbouring Macedonia, and high points from neighbouring Greece, I think this will just miss out on a spot in the final. I betya I'm wrong now.

15. GEORGIA - Nodi Tatishvili and Sopho Gelovani - Waterfall

Nodi and Sopho on the hunt for kitchen sinks

What? Someone has ordered more kitchen sinks?? C'mon, this Malmö Arena is not big enough to fit them all in! But the Georgians aren't listening. They want to win Eurovision badly (cue Duran Duran's 'Hungry Like the Wolf' here) and when the Eurovision Win Wanting index is calculated traditionally but erroneously by the number of kitchen sinks chucked into a performance, then the Georgians are scoring off the charts. So what do we have here? Inoffensive but rousing ballad with a high note and written by Swedes - tick. Male-female duo lacking in chemistry but roped in to do the job and with heavy accents when singing that even sound editing can't remove - tick. A performance that promises to give the North Koreans a run for their money in the mass games stakes - tickety tick! An attempt to lure fans (now this is not considered bribery in Georgia) with copious amounts of lovely Georgian wine i.e. not the stuff they export(ed) to Russia - ti..erk. So will this get them the big gong? No way! Final berth is guaranteed, but I see the usual Georgian 9-12th position in the final wash.

16. SWITZERLAND - Takasa - You And Me

Hypocrisy a plenty! Before going on to the song, I'm finding it rather interesting how some fanboys cannot get past that the performers of this ditty are members of the homophobic Salvation Army (rather ironic of them being at Eurovision then), so they will not be voting for it. Now, dear readers, this is what happens when there is 'political voting'. You know, the same evil that many a pundit will accuse those poorer and treacherous eastern countries of doing each year. Well, if this was the case that the voting was so 'political', then you would not see any of the ex-Yugo countries giving any votes to each other. OK, point made. Wasn't I talking about a song here? Oh, yes, but a boring one. The Swiss have decided to send a 95 year old in the crew of six, which breaks a record, but other than that, it just plods along and that's it. No Saturday night shenanigans for this lot in Malmö then, so they can make back home in time for church and scones. When will the Swiss get it?

Cezar: 'The kitchen sink has what?!'

17.  ROMANIA - Cezar - It's My Life


You gotta hand it to Swedish Television for leaving the 'best' till last! After the snorefest that is the Swiss entry, by this time on the Thursday eve the alcohol would have kicked in and some viewers may have already found themselves in a calm slumber. Well, just wait until Cezar comes on the Malmö stage. Be sure to lock your dogs away or else they may go all loony as Cezar has a special vocal gift for going higher and higher and higher. The Romanians have also gone to the same kitchen sink wholesaler as many of their near neighbours to the north and across the Black Sea (I wonder if they got a discount for all these quickly diminishing kitchen sinks if they paid in cash?). Of course, the fans are in aghast about this one, but you'll see that if the Romanians thought that Cezar was brill', then don't be surprised when this makes its way though Friday into Saturday's final... only for it to come 17th. Hey, when people actually liked that Albanian chick last year...

I know I am so unoriginal when I get to this part, but hey, there you go! Kitchen sink, bad dress, kitchen sink, good dress, kitchen sink, and don't forget the kitchen sink. This is definitely the more exciting semi final, and I'm glad that as I will be there! My first ever live Eurovision (semi) final! Stayed tuned for my look into the six automatic qualifiers and post-mortem on the semis. Happy Eurovision!

2012 Top 5

As another year draws to a close, here are my top 5 songs from the past 12 months.

Coming in at number 5, my guilty musical pleasure for the year is this sweet little Macedonian pop-folk number by Tajči and Kinezi with 'Tajno moja' (My Secret)

Number 4 was a surprise for me. Marina Alieva was born in Kazakhstan but has made a career for herself as a pop singer in the southern Russian republic of Dagestan, though her popularity extends beyond the Causcasus. This song, 'Igray s ognyom' (Play With Fire), successfully combines Caucasian, Turkic and Latin melodies to make a rather original style.

My number 3 for this year was this pop song by Bulgarian starlet Joanna. Bulgaria is not that big on pop these days (pop-folk has made sure of that), but in the few occasions its pop composers do make an attempt, they often shine through with some fantastic numbers, such as this one - 'Nishto sluchaino' (Not By Chance). The song came out in an English version too, though it's heavy on the autotune to disguise Joanna's otherwise heavy accent. The Bulgarian original sounds much better.

Number 2 has special (drunken) memories. When this song popped up on my mp3 player, I was taken to another world. So moved I was to the pop genius of this song that I listened to it more than ten times in a row. A touch of Kylie Minogue camp electronica with some 2012 lyrics such as 'I hate it when they lie that I have lost weight'. This song reminds me just how cool Skopje can be. Macedonian pop diva Orhideja with 'Odvedi me' (Take Me Away)

And now, my number one song of the year. I only first heard this song about three weeks ago, but as soon as I heard it, I knew it was special - so special that I spent a whole two-hour commute just pressing 'repeat'. Macedonian pop-folk has been playing something less than second fiddle to the same product produced from its bigger neighbours, but judging by the impressive songs at this year's Prilep Fest song pop-folk song festival, it looks like that things are changing. So it brings a tingle to my skin to present to you hit of the year, from Macedonia, Gonče Gogova with her brilliant pop-folk ballad 'Moj galebe' (My Seagull).

Have a great new year! May 2013 bring you good health, wisdom, goodwill, peace and justice!

Hit Parade for second half of 2012

As customary, a list of my hits for the second half of 2012

Bulgaria - Reni - Do zori (Through To Dawn)
Israel - Kobi Peretz & Of Simchas - Isra'el
Russia (Northern Caucasus) - Albina Tokova - Ne zakryvay glaza (Don't Close Your Eyes)
Egypt - Amr Diab - Mally Enia
Russia - Anatolii Polotno & Fedya Karmanov - Kamchatka
Russia - Nogu svelo - Chukotka
Bulgaria - Andrea - Losha (Bad)
Armenia - Armenchik - Eli Qich E
Armenia - Armenchik - Tox Tox
Armenia - Armenchik - Chi Lini Israel - Avihu Shabat - I Efshar Itach (You Are Not Allowed)
Romania - Carmen Ienci - Nunta c-un Banat (Banat-style Wedding)
Croatia - Colonia - Tako ti je mali moj (That's How Things Stand With You, My Boy)
Dominican Republic - Eddy Herrera - La vida loca (The Crazy Life)
Bulgaria - Gloria - Nenasitna (Insatiable)
Bulgaria - Gloria - Obsebena ot teb (Obsessed With You)
Bosnia-Herzegovina - Hule - Sretnik (Lucky Person)
 Armenia - Inga & Anush Arshakyanner - Im Anune Hayastan e (My Name Is Armenia) 
Armenia - Ishkhan - Nstel em Avtos
Montenegro - Jadranka Barjaktarević - Duplom s čemerom (A Double With Grief)
Armenia - Lilit Hovhannesyan - Ser im
Uzbekistan - Manzura - Seniki bo'lay
Macedonia - Melodija Band - Marijana
Serbia - Miligram - Libero
Serbia - Miligram - Ništa (Nothing)
Russia - Mitya Fomin - Sadovnik (Gardener)
Israel - Moshe Peretz - Rotze Otach (I Want You)
Turkey - Mustafa Ceceli - Zillerime Basıp Kaçıyor
Romania - Nicolae Cretu - Lume draga, lume (Oh my dear world)
Russia - Nyusha - Vyshe (Upwards)

Bulgaria - Preslava - Pochvai me (Get Me Going) Hungary/Serbia - Magdi Rúzsa - A sad adio (Now It's Time for Goodbye)
Serbia - Sandra Afrika - Crni Mile (Dark Mile)
Macedonia - Sanja Cinceva - Ne (No)

Israel/Iran - Shir Levi - Anur Anur

Turkey - Tarık Mengüç - Çatlat (Crack)
Macedonia - Tatjana Lazarevska - Mojot angel (My Angel)
Bulgaria - Tedi Aleksandrova - Moi dokrai (Fully Mine)
Macedonia - Velko Nikoloski - Te poznavam (I Know You)
Azerbaijan - Xeyyam Nisanov - Yar saçların lüle lüle
Russia - Yulia Dementyeva - Kukla (Doll)

I'm still here - Hit parade for second half of 2011

Hi there! I can't believe 6 tumultuous months have past and I haven't posted a single blog entry in that time. I apologise, but yet again, life takes the better of me. My new year's resolution - to concentrate more on the blog! So much has happened - Libya, Kim Jong-il's death - these past six months and I wished I had the time to make a comment here rather than ranting to my long-suffering partner and family. Hehe. Anyway, as is customary, here are some songs from around the world that have pleased my ears these past six months. I'll be back with my top 8 (I couldn't narrow it down to 5 this time) for 2011 later.

Uzbekistan - Rayhon & Sogdiana - Bez nego (Without Him - in Russian)


Uyguristan - Shukhrat Yakubov - Izikara (Actually, it's a cover of a Romanian Manele song)


Turkey - Hüner Coşkuner - İmdat (Help)


Macedonia - Suzana Spasovska - Makedonsko devojče (Macedonian Girl)


Macedonia - Zdravka Mirčevska - Ludost (Madness)


Macedonia - Karolina Gočeva - Kapka pod neboto (A Drop in the Ocean)


Israel - Idan Yaniv - Rakevet Halayla Lekahir (Night Train to Cairo)


Dagestan (Russia) - Elchin Davudov - Vatan (Homeland - in Tsakhur)


Kyrgyzstan - A. Totaev - Ant


Greece - Efi Thodi - Ellines (Greeks)


Macedonia - Aneta, Goce Molika - Ah, ljubov verna (Oh, Faithful Love)


Romania - Alex Ban & Florin Salam - Flori de mai (Flowers of May)


Azerbaijan - Next qrupu - Okean (Ocean)


Israel - Ron Izraeli & Ronen Abitbul feat. Itzik Kala - Buki Dalale


Armenia - Raffi - Naz mi amir


Israel - Ma'or Dani'el - Lechi Tisfari Lekulam (Go Tell Everyone)


Israel - Avihu Shabat - Tishari remix (Stay)


Bulgaria/Greece - Teodora & Giorgos Giannias - Za teb jiveia/Aftos einai erotas (I Live For You/That's Love)


Romania - Denisa Sârboaica - Dragoşte de şapte stele (Seven Star Love - cover of a 1980s Serbian song)


Macedonia - Kismi - Milionerce (Little Millionaire) - This song has been the Balkan Roma hit of the year

Oh No, It's Eurovision Part 1

OK, so I haven't been around for over 2 months now. Well, I do have a life (well, sorta) which gets the better of me. Believe me, I've wanted to make many comments about the latest happenings. But before I launch myself back to picking to shreds the hypocrisy of our free world, there's something else that is currently taking up my interest - the upcoming 56th Eurovision Song Contest (otherwise known as 'Gay Christmas') to be held over three nights from 10th to 14th May in the rather dull German city of Düsseldorf. Interestingly, some people in the UK pronounce the first syllable of Düsseldorf as if it rhymes with 'fuss', but what's an umlaut anyway except two dots above a vowel? OK...

For the past few months, along with the hubby, I've listened to the songs and have often covered my head and shouted 'No... good lord, nooooo!' when I discovered that the fair televoters and 'expert jury' (yeah... right) have found it in their wisdom to ditch some brilliant potential Eurovision songs for the bizarre and tasteless. Case in point is this three minute of joy by the lovely (and extremely bonkers) Jamala from Ukraine. Do what she says and .... Smiiiiiile


Unfortunately Jamala will not be gracing the stage in Düsseldorf (boo, hiss), but more about this year's Ukrainian entry later.

43 countries will be participating at this year's event, and I plan now to go through them all and give them my take. Before we proceed through this veritable buffet of bizarre and bombs, I would like to point out why I love this contest so much. As a child in Australia, I was fascinated with languages, flags and different cultures, plus the allure of Europe, where I had spent part of my early childhood, as a place of culture and fashion. So when a local, multicultural TV station started showing the Eurovision in Australia, I took to it like a wind machine and an awkward male-female compare combo typical of Eurovisions past. To hear all these languages being sung, often with a little local flare added in, was like all my Christmases arriving at one. And like Christmas, it came annually. Australia had a fashion lag back then (2 years on average) so we would watch Eurovision to see what Europe is wearing and what the colour de jeur is. When it was purple one year, I knew that would never take on in blokey Oz.

Over the years my Eurovision focus gradually changed... to a cynical bent, full of derision but also of celebration. It no longer was a rare source of world pop. With the advent of the Internet, music from around the world has become more accessible so nowadays listening to something like Turkish rock, Portuguese protest songs or Saami yelping is just a mouse-click away. With the greater competition, Eurovision songs have lost their former edge. However, for what it lacks in music, it surelay makes up with outrageous characters, stage performances and the madness and underlying political machinations of the voying. The contest now for me is a celebration and embarrassment of kitsch, over-the-top camp, mixed with intense but petty nationalism. It's hilarious that so many people in Europe and beyond hold the interests of their nation's pride at stake based on the fortunes of a 3 minute pop song sung in English and based on a music style that originates from Afro-American music styles... très European. Watching from afar, we can laugh at those supposed 'sophisticated' and 'cultured' Europeans and realise that they are human and that they love crap like anyone else. Still, like any pop medium barometer (like awards such as the Oscars), many grabbed by the excitement of Eurovision do see themselves to be more cultured that what they are really are, with this quest to convince themselves as being 'cultured' a subliminal determiner in their otherwise faddy music choices. Watching this happen is hilarious but essentially human.

I must also add that I have not watched a Eurovision since 1999 without being under the influence of alcohol or (as was the case in 2008) chemo drugs. I did, however, watch the first part of the 2003 contest sober and I can safely say that it was a truly horrifying experience (and, as mentioned earlier in this very sentence, I've been under chemo, so I don't say this lightly). Anyway, Mr. Music, please press the play button and let the tunes fly...

Making my way geographically, here are this year's songs

Azerbaijan - Eldar & Nigar - Running Scared
I thought I would start with my favourite song this year, but don't get too excited. Eldar is a nice Azeri boy plucked from obscurity after a long-winded selection process (which most likely involved a fair amount of 'favours' passing hands) to sing with the obviously much older, London-resident mother of two, Nigar.

What I like is that this song is 2011, sweet and ready for a radio playlist, which is not something you can usually say for Eurovision songs. Unfortunately, the obvious age difference between the otherwise on-screen lovers is quite apparent, so this could be one for the cougar vote - an ever lucrative and growing market out there. The Azeris, especially the ever smiling first lady Mehriban Aliyeva, have been itching to win the event so as to showcase how fantastic oily, Alievy Azerbaijan is and to have one up on the Armenians. Will they win it this year? I don't think so, but top 5 is on the cards... otherwise heads will roll and it will be back to the Azeri 'Win Eurovision' drawing board.

Since I mentioned Armenia, let's move on their number
Armenia - Emmy - Boom Boom
Yes, the lyrics are imaginative. Here's Emmy performing to the Armenian audience in frock with horrible sleves that her mother must have run up on a Singer sewing machine

My verdict - yuk is too kind. Just to let you in that the Eurovision staging for this song has a boxing theme, so to team with the theme dear Emmy will be seated in a huge boxing glove. Umm... yes, I am off the chemo and saying that with a sound mind... sorry.

Next up, the former Soviet republic of Georgia and Elrine with One More Day

Some Eurovision fans have called this the worst Eurovision song eva! Now that's a bit harsh. I just think that they are bunch of tryhard wannabes. Sorry guys, you're just not as cool as you make yourselves out to be.

Turkey - Yüksek Sadakat - Live It Up

I loved YS when they first burst onto the Turkish pop/rock scene about 5 years ago. There was something so un-Turkish about them then. So when I heard they were chosen to be Turkey's reps this year, I was thrilled. Well, the thrills quickly disappeared upon hearing this 'dull as dishwater' drabble of pub rock. Really guys, is this the best you could do? No soup for you!

Cyprus - Christos Mylordos - San aggelos s' agapisa (I Loved You Like An Angel)

Honestly, there are literally hundreds of songs that are released that sound like this in Cyprus and Greece every year, so musically it's unoriginal and boring for listeners of contemporary Greek music. As for the rest of Europe who only get to hear this type of dead horse flogging at Eurovision once a year, this will be just ace and remind them of their sunny times on holiday being ripped off on a Greek island where the bartenders overpour the spirits in that non-EU way. Still, that won't be enough to get it past the first hurdle, no matter what silly staging they have (trust me, they do have some gimmicks). Plus, Mr Mylordos (is that really his name??) is not pleasant on the eye, so that's points deducted. So it's a no from me.

Israel - Dana International - Ding Dong
Yes, the one and only Dana, the Diva herself, 1998 Eurovision winner and the only (known) transexual to have taken the gong is back with her self-penned Ding Dong

Not her best work (a recurring theme here), but compared to some of the other female-led dance numbers in this year's batch this is the best one. The Eurovision version has been souped up for 2011 with a hint of Lady Gaga to it, and I'm not talking about the rumour of appendages. I would like to see this in the top 10, and unlike most others participating this year, Dana has the advantage of being familiar to televoters. However, the fanboys, not ones for reality, want time to stand still and have their 'Diva' like she was in 1998, feathers and all. Needless to say, they are already being spolit kids in a supermaket aisle about it kicking the boxes of cereals. But watch out for the fancy frock Jean-Paul Gautier has ready for her this year - it definitely won't be bought from Zara.

Greece - Stereo Mike and Loucas Yiorkas - Watch My Dance
Ummm...

Well, I knew this song was going to be picked by the Greek public. Why? Because in true Greek mainstream (i.e. nationalist) narrowmindedness, they will only go for a Greek-style song. This song is horrid and then even ore horrible on top of that. The 9/8 beat of the 'Greek-style' part sung by Loucas Yiorkas is known as 'zeibekiko', which is based on a Turkish folk dance (so it's not even Greek) - a beat that European audiences won't get. Neither will they get the supposed rapping by the London-based Stereo Mike. I mean someone (like me, or better still, Simon Cowell) should sit Mr Mike down with a cup of tea, hold his hand and tell him in that 'nice' voice: Mikey, sweetie, you are not from the ghetto and you can't rap. To think, he has a successful rap career in Greece. No wonder the country is bankrupt. This death march of a song surely will bomb like a Mafia victim with concrete boots.

Albania - Aurelia Gaçe - Feel The Passion
All those fans of Albapop will rejoice over this number

But yeah, so how many albapop fans are there out there? Besides Albanians, well... no one. I do love Albanian pop and I love the 36 year old Aurelia. Yes, she claims she's 36! That's a helluva lot of makeup you're wearing there Aurelia. Me thinks you remember Hoxha's Cultural Revolution of the late 60s. Moving along, I like it but it's too Albanian for European tastes. Perhaps a wardrobe malfunction could help then.

Macedonia - Vlatko Ilievski - Rusinka (Russian Girl)
I have to brag here - I was the first person in the World to tweet that Vlatko Ilievski won the 'honour' to represent Macedonia at this year's Eurovision. Strangely enough, the Macedonian selection concert was not an event that was setting the Twittersphere on fire, so I can't really compare myself in terms of groundbreaking scope as the guy who twittered Osama Bin Laden's death, but hey, it comes close.

Word in Macedonia had it for months before the selection contest in February that Vlatko was going to represent Macedonia at the Eurovision. Macedonians were wondering then why bother getting another 19 performers to compete at some badly-organised event in Skopje then? Besides, wasn't MKTV bankrupt anyway> Still, everyone went through the motions and, low and behold, what a coincidence, Vlatko won (overwhelmingly). Of course it has nothing to do with his links to the ruling nationalist party - that's just stuff and nonsense. Naturally, this song at first was a total disaster for me (I think my exact words were 'please, make him stop!'). However, after a few listens I warmed to it. Unfortunately the rest of Europe won't get multiple chances to hear this weak song for them to change their initial impressions which I expect will be no different from mine. At least Vlatko's early return will save Macedonian TV some money on hotel costs.

Serbia - Nina - Čaroban
Nina was nobody before being plucked from obscurity and winning the chance to represent Serbia. Lots of colour

I'm not one for retro 60s motown numbers like this. Extremely unoriginal, but seeing things with the cup half full, another example of how resilient and universal (Afro-)American pop culture is. Well done USA and sucked in Europe! However, I have an issue with the translation - Čaroban should be 'charming' and not 'magical', but why consult a professional translator (like myself)when there is Google Translate.... hmmm.

Bosnia-Herzegovina - Dino Merlin - Love In Rewind
Really Dino....?

Much like with Turkey, when I heard that one of my most favourite (ex-Yugo) singers was going to represent Bosnia-Herzegovina, I was so excited and expectations were running high. Dino Merlin has written and sung many great songs throughout his career. Alas, this is not one of them. Sounds like he whipped this lame piece of noise in 5 minutes while answering the phone and cutting his toenails. I want this to fail miserably as punishment for Dino so he never does this sloppy work ever again. Don't let him get away with it! However, for some reason unbeknownst to me, this is a favourite to walk away with the bad piece of modernist art posing as the Eurovision 2011 prize. Yes! Please explain!?!?

Croatia - Daria - Celebrate
Just think, they had a Pop-Idol type contest to select this

'Salivate', oops... I think the German-born Daria means 'Celebrate', is as exciting as a stale old piece of toast. To think this song in English was originally called 'Break A Leg'. If only she could have! That's mean of me, but that's life. A big NO for me. Please, bring back Doris Dragović from 1999 with Marija Magdalena! Now I'm sounding like a sooky fanboy.

Slovenia - Maja Keuc - No One

Not bad, a bit dated but then again when has that been a problem at Eurovision. This song has that interesting notation in the chorus to make what other would be a boring ballad interesting. Unfortunately for Slovenia, it somehow starts with minus 50 points so if Maja gets to sing her song on Saturday, this will be some achievement. Crazier things have happened, like Maja's country making the Football World Cup in 2010!

Dagestani wedding - a novel?

If only it was a novel. If one thing that the latest WikiLeaks publication of US embassy cables have shown, there are some budding novelists working for the US Department of State. One cable in particular which has caught the attention of Caucasus watchers is this one detailing the intrigue at the wedding of a local bigwig's son from Russia's southern, majority-Muslim republic of Dagestan. Fascinating reading! Really, Mr Burns the US diplomat should ditch his job and turn to novel writing. It also shows that western diplomatic attitudes and understanding of not just the Caucasus but of any place west of Venice is still stuck in the 19th Century imperialism as the clichéd observations and patronising descriptions in the following 'prose' attest:

Thursday, 31 August 2006, 06:39
SUBJECT: A CAUCASUS WEDDING
Classified By: Deputy Chief of Mission Daniel A. Russell

Summary
-------
Weddings are elaborate in Dagestan, the largest autonomy in the North Caucasus. On August 22 we attended a wedding in Makhachkala, Dagestan's capital: Duma member and Dagestan Oil Company chief Gadzhi Makhachev's son married a classmate. The lavish display and heavy drinking concealed the deadly serious North Caucasus politics of land, ethnicity, clan, and alliance. The guest list spanned the Caucasus power structure -- guest starring Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov -- and underlined just how personal the region's politics can be. End Summary.
Dagestani weddings are serious business: a forum for showing respect, fealty and alliance among families; the bride and groom themselves are little more than showpieces. Weddings take place in discrete parts over three days. On the first day the groom's family and the bride's family simultaneously hold separate receptions. During the receptions the groom leads a delegation to the bride's reception and escorts her back to his own reception, at which point she formally becomes a member of the groom's family, forsaking her old family and clan. The next day, the groom's parents hold another reception, this time for the bride's family and friends, who can "inspect" the family they have given their daughter to. On the third day, the bride's family holds a reception for the groom's parents and family.
Father of the Groom
-------------------
On August 22, Gadzhi Makhachev married off his 19 year-old son Dalgat to Aida Sharipova. The wedding in Makhachkala, which we attended, was a microcosm of the social and political relations of the North Caucasus, beginning with Gadzhi's own biography. Gadzhi started off as an Avar clan leader. Enver Kisriyev, the leading scholar of Dagestani society, told us that as Soviet power receded from Dagestan in the late 1980s, the complex society fell back to its pre-Russian structure. The basic structural unit is the monoethnic "jamaat", in this usage best translated as canton or commune. The ethnic groups themselves are a Russian construct: faced with hundreds of jamaats, the 19th century Russian conquerors lumped cantons speaking related dialects together and called them Avar, Dargin, etc. to reduce the number of "nationalities" in Dagestan to 38. Ever since then, jamaats within each ethnic group have been competing with one another to lead the ethnic group. This competition is especially marked among the Avars, the largest nationality in Dagestan.

As Russian power faded, each canton fielded a militia to defend its people both in the mountains and the capital Makhachkala. Gadzhi became the leader from his home canton of Burtunay, in Kazbek Rayon. He later asserted pan-Avar ambitions, founding the Imam Shamil Popular Front -- named after the great Avar leader of mountaineer resistance to the Russians -- to promote the interests of the Avars and of Burtunay's role within the ethnic group. Among his exploits was a role in the military defense of Dagestan against the 1999 invasion from Chechnya by Shamil Basayev and al-Khattab, and his political defense of Avar villages under pressure in Chechnya, Georgia and Azerbaijan.

Gadzhi has cashed in the social capital he made from nationalism, translating it into financial and political capital -- as head of Dagestan's state oil company and as the single-mandate representative for Makhachkala in Russia's State Duma. His dealings in the oil business -- including close cooperation with U.S. firms -- have left him well off enough to afford luxurious houses in Makhachkala, Kaspiysk, Moscow, Paris and San Diego; and a large collection of luxury automobiles, including the Rolls Royce Silver Phantom in which Dalgat fetched Aida from her parents' reception. (Gadzhi gave us a lift in the Rolls once in Moscow, but the legroom was somewhat constricted by the presence of a Kalashnikov carbine at our feet. Gadzhi has survived numerous assassination attempts, as have most of the still-living leaders of Dagestan. In Dagestan he always travels in an armored BMW with one, sometimes two follow cars full of uniformed armed guards).

Gadzhi has gone beyond his Avar base, pursuing a multi-ethnic cadre policy to develop a network of loyalists. He has sent Dagestani youths, including his sons, to a military type high school near San Diego (we met one graduate, a Jewish boy from Derbent now studying at San Diego state. He has no plans to enter the Russian military).

Gadzhi's multi-ethnic reach illustrates what the editor of the Dagestani paper "Chernovik" told us: that in the last few years the development of inter-ethnic business clans has eroded traditional jamaat loyalties.

But the Avar symbolism is still strong. Gadzhi's brother, an artist from St. Petersburg, ordered as a wedding gift a life-sized statue of Imam Shamil. Shamil is the iconic national symbol, despite his stern and inflexible character (portrayed in Tolstoy's Hadji-Murat as the mountaineers' tyrannical counterpart to the absolutist Tsar). Connection with Shamil makes for nobility among Avars today. Gadzhi often mentions that he is a descendant on his mother's side of Gair-Bek, one of Shamil's deputies.
The Day Before
--------------
Gadzhi's Kaspiysk summer house is an enormous structure on the shore of the Caspian, essentially a huge circular reception room -- much like a large restaurant -- attached to a 40-meter high green airport tower on columns, accessible only by elevator, with a couple of bedrooms, a reception room, and a grotto whose glass floor was the roof of a huge fish tank. The heavily guarded compound also boasts a second house, outbuildings, a tennis court, and two piers out into the Caspian, one rigged with block and tackle for launching jet skis. The house filled up with visitors from all over the Caucasus during the afternoon of August 21. The Chair of Ingushetia's parliament drove in with two colleagues; visitors from Moscow included politicians, businessmen and an Avar football coach. Many of the visitors grew up with Gadzhi in Khasavyurt, including an Ingush Olympic wrestler named Vakha who seemed to be perpetually tipsy. Another group of Gadzhi's boyhood friends from Khasavyurt was led by a man who looked like Shamil Basayev on his day off -- flip-flops, t-shirt, baseball cap, beard -- but turned out to be the chief rabbi of Stavropol Kray. He told us he has 12,000 co-religionists in the province, 8,000 of them in its capital, Pyatigorsk. 70 percent are, like him, Persian-speaking Mountain Jews; the rest are a mixture of Europeans, Georgians and Bukharans.

Also present was Chechnya's Duma member, Khalid (aka Ruslan) Yamadayev, brother of the commander of the notorious Vostok Battalion. He was reserved at the time, but in a follow-up conversation in Moscow on August 29 (please protect) he complained that Chechnya, lacking experts to develop programs for economic recovery, is simply demanding and disposing of cash from the central government. When we pressed him on disappearances, he admitted some took place, but claimed that often parents alleged their children had been abducted when in fact their sons had run off to join the fighters or -- in a case the week before -- they had murdered their daughter in an honor killing. We mentioned the abduction of a widow of Basayev, allegedly to gain access to his money. Khalid said he had not heard of the case, but knew that Basayev had had no interest in wealth; he may have been a religious fanatic, but he was a "normal" person. The fighters who remain are not a serious military force, in Khalid's view, and many would surrender under the proper terms and immunities. He himself is arranging the immunity of a senior official of the Maskhadov era, whose name he would not reveal.

During lunch, Gadzhi took a congratulatory call from Dagestan's president, Mukhu Aliyev. Gadzhi told Aliyev how honored he would be if Aliyev could drop in at the wedding reception. There was a degree of tension in the conversation, which was between two figures each implicitly claiming the mantle of leadership of the Avars. In the event, Aliyev snubbed Gadzhi and did not show up for the wedding, though the rest of Dagestan's political leadership did.

Though Gadzhi's house was not the venue for the main wedding reception, he ensured that all his guests were constantly plied with food and drink. The cooks seemed to keep whole sheep and whole cows boiling in a cauldron somewhere day and night, dumping disjointed fragments of the carcass on the tables whenever someone entered the room. Gadzhi's two chefs kept a wide variety of unusual dishes in circulation (in addition to the omnipresent boiled meat and fatty bouillon). The alcohol consumption before, during and after this Muslim wedding was stupendous. Amidst an alcohol shortage, Gadzhi had flown in from the Urals thousands of bottles of Beluga Export vodka ("Best consumed with caviar"). There was also entertainment, beginning even that day, with the big-name performers appearing both at the wedding hall and at Gadzhi's summer house. Gadzhi's main act, a Syrian-born singer named Avraam Russo, could not make it because he was shot a few days before the wedding, but there was a "gypsy" troupe from St. Petersburg, a couple of Azeri pop stars, and from Moscow, Benya the Accordion King with his family of singers. A host of local bands, singing in Avar and Dargin, rounded out the entertainment, which was constant and extremely amplified.

The main activity of the day was eating and drinking -- starting from 4 p.m., about eight hours worth, all told -- punctuated, when all were laden with food and sodden with drink, with a bout of jet skiing in the Caspian. After dinner, though, the first band started an informal performance -- drums, accordion and clarinet playing the lezginka, the universal dance of the Caucasus. To the uninitiated Westerner, the music sounds like an undifferentiated wall of sound. This was a signal for dancing: one by one, each of the dramatically paunchy men (there were no women present) would enter the arena and exhibit his personal lezginka for the limit of his duration, usually 30 seconds to a minute. Each ethnic group's lezginka was different -- the Dagestani lezginka the most energetic, the Chechen the most aggressive and belligerent, and the Ingush smoother.
Wedding Day 1
-------------
An hour before the wedding reception was set to begin the "Marrakech" reception hall was full of guests -- men taking the air outside and women already filling a number of the tables inside, older ones with headscarves chaperoning dozens of teenaged girls. A Dagestani parliamentarian explained that weddings are a principal venue for teenagers -- and more importantly their parents -- to get a look at one another with a view to future matches. Security was tight -- police presence on the ground plus police snipers positioned on the roof of an overlooking apartment block. Gadzhi even assigned one of his guards as our personal bodyguard inside the reception. The manager told Gadzhi there were seats for over a thousand guests at a time. At the height of the reception, it was standing room only.

At precisely two p.m. the male guests started filing in. They varied from pols and oligarchs of all sorts -- the slick to the Jurassic; wizened brown peasants from Burtunay; and Dagestan's sports and cultural celebrities. Khalid Yamadayev presided over a political table in the smaller of the two halls (the music was in the other) along with Vakha the drunken wrestler, the Ingush parliamentarians, a member of the Federation Council who is also a nanophysicist and has lectured in Silicon Valley, and Gadzhi's cousin Ismail Alibekov, a submariner first rank naval captain now serving at the General Staff in Moscow. The Dagestani milieu appears to be one in which the highly educated and the gun-toting can mix easily -- often in the same person.

After a couple of hours Dalgat's convoy returned with Aida, horns honking. Dalgat and Aida got out of the Rolls and were serenaded into the hall, and into the Makhachev family, by a boys' chorus lining both sides of the red carpet, dressed in costumes aping medieval Dagestani armor with little shields and swords. The couple's entry was the signal for the emcee to roll into high gear, and after a few toasts the Piter (St Petersburg - ed.) "gypsies" began their performance. (The next day one of Gadzhi's houseguests sneered, "Some gypsies! The bandleader was certainly Jewish, and the rest of them were blonde". There was some truth to this, but at least the two dancing girls appeared to be Roma).

As the bands played, the marriageable girls came out to dance the lezginka in what looked like a slowly revolving conga line while the boys sat together at tables staring intently. The boys were all in white shirts and black slacks, while the girls wore a wide variety of multicolored but fashionable cocktail dresses. Every so often someone would shower the dancers with money -- there were some thousand ruble notes but the currency of choice was the U.S. hundred dollar bill. The floor was covered with them; young children would scoop the money up to distribute among the dancers.

Gadzhi was locked into his role as host. He greeted every guest personally as they entered the hall -- failure to do so would cause great insult -- and later moved constantly from table to table drinking toasts with everyone. The 120 toasts he estimated he drank would have killed anyone, hardened drinker or not, but Gadzhi had his Afghan waiter Khan following him around to pour his drinks from a special vodka bottle containing water. Still, he was much the worse for wear by evening's end. At one point we caught up with him dancing with two scantily clad Russian women who looked far from home. One, it turned out was a Moscow poet (later she recited an incomprehensible poem in Gadzhi's honor) who was in town with a film director to write the screenplay for a film immortalizing Gadzhi's defense of Dagestan against Shamil Basayev. By 6 p.m. most of the houseguests had returned to Gadzhi's seaside home for more swimming and more jet-skiing-under-the-influence. But by 8 the summer house's restaurant was full once more, the food and drink were flowing, the name performers were giving acoustic renditions of the songs they had sung at the reception, and some stupendously fat guests were displaying their lezginkas for the benefit of the two visiting Russian women, who had wandered over from the reception.
The Wedding -- Day 2: Enter The Man
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The next day's reception at the Marrakech was Gadzhi's tribute to Aida's family, after which we all returned to a dinner at Gadzhi's summer home. Most of the tables were set with the usual dishes plus whole roast sturgeons and sheep. But at 8:00 p.m. the compound was invaded by dozens of heavily armed mujahedin for the grand entrance of Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, looking shorter and less muscular than in his photos, and with a somewhat cock-eyed expression on his face. After greetings from Gadzhi, Ramzan and about 20 of his retinue sat around the tables eating and listening to Benya the Accordion King. Gadzhi then announced a fireworks display in honor of the birthday of Ramzan's late father, Ahmat-Hadji Kadyrov. The fireworks started with a bang that made both Gadzhi and Ramzan flinch. Gadzhi had from the beginning requested that none of his guests, most of whom carried sidearms, fire their weapons in celebration. Throughout the wedding they complied, not even joining in the magnificent fireworks display.

After the fireworks, the musicians struck up the lezginka in the courtyard and a group of two girls and three boys -- one no more than six years old -- performed gymnastic versions of the dance. First Gadzhi joined them and then Ramzan, who danced clumsily with his gold-plated automatic stuck down in the back of his jeans (a houseguest later pointed out that the gold housing eliminated any practical use of the gun, but smirked that Ramzan probably couldn't fire it anyway). Both Gadzhi and Ramzan showered the dancing children with hundred dollar bills; the dancers probably picked upwards of USD 5000 off the cobblestones. Gadzhi told us later that Ramzan had brought the happy couple "a five kilo lump of gold" as his wedding present. After the dancing and a quick tour of the premises, Ramzan and his army drove off back to Chechnya. We asked why Ramzan did not spend the night in Makhachkala, and were told, "Ramzan never spends the night anywhere".

After Ramzan sped off, the dinner and drinking -- especially the latter -- continued. An Avar FSB colonel sitting next to us, dead drunk, was highly insulted that we would not allow him to add "cognac" to our wine. "It's practically the same thing", he insisted, until a Russian FSB general sitting opposite told him to drop it. We were inclined to cut the Colonel some slack, though: he is head of the unit to combat terrorism in Dagestan, and Gadzhi told us that extremists have sooner or later assassinated everyone who has joined that unit. We were more worried when an Afghan war buddy of the Colonel's, Rector of the Dagestan University Law School and too drunk to sit, let alone stand, pulled out his automatic and asked if we needed any protection. At this point Gadzhi and his people came over, propped the rector between their shoulders, and let us get out of range. Postscript: The Practical Uses of a Caucasus Wedding
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Kadyrov's attendance was a mark of respect and alliance, the result of Gadzhi's careful cultivation -- dating back to personal friendship with Ramzan's father. This is a necessary political tool in a region where difficulties can only be resolved by using personal relationships to reach ad hoc informal agreements. An example was readily to hand: on August 22 Chechnya's parliamentary speaker, Dukvakha Abdurakhmanov, gave an interview in which he made specific territorial claims to the Kizlyar, Khasavyurt and Novolak regions of Dagestan. The first two have significant Chechen-Akkin populations, and the last was part of Chechnya until the 1944 deportation, when Stalin forcibly resettled ethnic Laks (a Dagestani nationality) there. Gadzhi said he would have to answer Abdurakhmanov and work closely with Ramzan to reduce the tensions "that fool" had caused. Asked why he took such statements seriously, he told us that in the Caucasus all disputes revolve around land, and such claims can never be dismissed. Unresolved land claims are the "threads" the Russian center always kept in play to pull when needed. We asked why these claims are coming out now, and were told it was euphoria, pure and simple. After all they had received, the Chechen leadership's feet are miles off the ground. (A well-connected Chechen contact later told us he thought that raising nationalistic irredentism was part of Abdurakhmanov's effort to gain a political base independent from Kadyrov.)

The "horizontal of power" represented by Gadzhi's relationship with Ramzan is the antithesis of the Moscow-imposed "vertical of power". Gadzhi's business partner Khalik Gindiyev, head of Rosneft-Kaspoil, complained that Moscow should let local Caucasians rather than Russians -- "Magomadovs and Aliyevs, not Ivanovs and Petrovs" -- resolve the region's conflicts. The vertical of power, he said, is inapplicable to the Caucasus, a region that Moscow bureaucrats such as PolPred Kozak would never understand. The Caucasus needs to be given the scope to resolve its own problems. But this was not a plug for democracy. Gadzhi told us democracy would always fail in the Caucasus, where the conception of the state is as an extension of the Caucasus family, in which the father's word is law. "Where is the room for democracy in that?" he asked. We paraphrased Hayek: if you run a family as you do a state, you destroy the family. Running a state as you do a family destroys the state: ties of kinship and friendship will always trump the rule of law. Gadzhi's partner agreed, shaking his head sadly. "That's a matter for generations to come", he said.
BURNS
Well, with such a patronising approach and understanding of the Caucasus and the region being reported by its wise diplomats, the US government should not be surprised why it is so hated. Thank you WikiLeaks and to its founder, Australia's own Julian Assange for exposing this!!