Apparently this photo has something to do with Eurovision
So, as customary, here's my take of the songs for semi final one.
1. AUSTRIA - Natalia Kelly - Shine
And shine it won't! Run of the mill R&B that is instantly forgettable. Not qualifying, which may cause Austria to go back into sniffle mode and quit Eurovision claiming that it's everyone else's fault and not their own.
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| Same guys as before, supposedly doing something Eurovision-ish? |
The first of MANY ballads. Formulaic, boring, so un-Estonian. The Estonian final usually brings out a whole selection of songs that either are or presented in a post-modernist kooky way that those quirky Estonians only can do. Alas, this is not one of them. By the time it comes to voting, I doubt people will remember who she is. Not qualifying.
3. SLOVENIA - Hannah Mancini - Straight Into Love
Bit of a misnomer this one when looking at the gay eye candy in the video clip. Hannah Mancini is hardly a Slovenian name - well, that's because she isn't. She's a perky American gal whose path somehow has landed her in this once-prosperous-now-inexplicably-bankrupt country. So there won't be any problems with the speakings and sayings of the English. I like the song, especially for its dub-step elements (quite big this year in Eurovision - hey, it's only, what, 5-6 years behind now) but it's gay-targeted songs like these that make it into the final and only come 18th at best. That's the best Miss Mancini can hope for. I have this song qualifying, but just, and that's mainly thanks to the votes from the other three ex-Yugo countries in this final.
4. CROATIA - Klapa s mora - Mižerja (Misery)
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| Croatia's Klapa s mora. Thankfully with their clothes on! |
5. DENMARK - Emilie de Forrest - Only Teardrops
The bookies and fan favourite. And if you were to believe the Danes, it's already the winner! This rather poor version of a 1990s Corrs song is setting Eurovisionia on fire. Personally, I think it's rather twee and lacks real substance. Emilie has been making a splash claiming that she is related to Queen Victoria - something that one professional genealogist skillfully, and with amazing research and wit, was able to disprove. However, given that the Swedes can skew the running order and the banality of the song, it not only should easily qualify for the final but also win. I smell a conspiracy here - it's that or the EBU facing another Azeri-style bomb again. And with so few (politically correct) countries wanting to actually win the event, it might just come down to this.
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| Russia's Dina Garipova |
Russia has a thing for sending Tartars to Eurovision. Russia's tied second-best placing came with the help of the fabulous Alsou with her hit Solo (and two big girl's blouses as campy dancers). Then we also had the Udmurt babushki last year also coming second. Well, could Russia do it again? Dina is, after all, fresh from having won The Voice Russia, which was seen all throughout the ex-USSR, so she is well known in countries that count such as Ukraine, Belarus and Moldova. She does seem a little frumpy, but she can surely sing. The song is syrupy sweet dealing with beauty contest-level world peace and such, with the video clip much in the same vein. I personally don't go for this stuff, but the European audience usually does, so this is sailing into the final and most likely a top 10 finish.
7. UKRAINE - Zlata Ognevich - Gravity
No, she won't be singing the song from Wicked, but you'd be mistaken for thinking that it was straight out of some musical (Lion King is being the one most bantered about). Zlata has been trying her darndest to make the Eurovision stage, and surprising for Ukrainian standards, she got there this time without any controversy. Ever the believers of the maxim that quantity is better than quality, the Ukrainians are throwing quite a few kitchen sinks at this one - did someone order a giant? This is a shame as Gravity is very much representative of Zlata's usual song style, and she is already a capable singer. She really has no need for gimmicks, but we are talking about the country that had a sand artist on stage two years ago, for heaven's sake! Though I'm not usually one for the saccharine sentimentality of these types of songs, Zlata takes this song beyond two-dimensional and it's undeniably uplifting - goosebumps alert! It's a definite for the final but unlike her name (Zlata means 'gold'), it's not a winner... but close.
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| Finally, a real star! Anouk |
Poor Netherlands! They have not been in a Eurovision final now since 2004! But by jingy, a gold star on the forehead for them for not giving up (yeah, Austria). Anyway, all hopes lie in one of their top international stars - Anouk. She had some hits in the nineties, but she's back with a rather quirky (for Eurovision) number. It's a great song, which means that it may be too good for Eurovision. I sincerely hope that this makes it into the final or else it may be the end for the Dutch at Eurovision.
9. MONTENEGRO - Who See - Igranka (Dance Party)
Rap has never really done well at the Eurovision, but could it turn around now, especially with some dub-step added in? Gotta say that when RTCG announced that Who See are to represent Montenegro, I like many others in the Yugosphere just said 'Who?' After some initial trepidation, I can say that they are good, especially going by their video clip. How this will transfer on stage is the big question. All reports on their performance promise something out of this world, so that should entertain. Eurovision needs some variety anyway, and with all these elements plus the ex-Yugo and ex-USSR countries voting for them, they are sure to get through to shock the masses come Saturday. Vodi me na igranku! (Take me to the party!)
10. LITHUANIA - Andrius Pojavis - Something
Musically, I love these types of songs. However, he is just not right for this. Early return to Vilnius for Andrius, I'm afraid
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| The Belarusan clothes budget didn't stretch that far |
Warmed-over Agadoo for me. Again, kitchen sinks a plenty thrown into this, and I'm not even talking about the stage performance. This song is dated even for Eurovision standards, but it's entertaining. Of course, with the on-stage totty (see left), the fanboys and pink beyond will love this. Still, that's no guarantee for success (see Anggun for France last year - dead last despite three topless male gymnasts). I don't see anything special about this kitsch fest. Nevertheless, I always claim that Belarus will qualify, only for them not too, so why break the habit - I say this Club Med anthem is getting a second showing on Saturday. There you go, the kiss of death.
12. MOLDOVA - Aliona Moon - O mie (A Million)
Not only are we getting two Alyonas at this year's Eurovision, they come right after each other. Can you imagine the banter behind stage: Privet Alyona! Privet Aliona! Riveting stuff!
So happy with this song that it is in Moldovan, which is practically Romanian only with a slight Russian accent and loads of Russian technical words in it, but also sounding very similar to music-friendly Italian. It's this musicality that makes this song that much better. Plus it helps that Aliona can actually sing (never a given in this contest). There's a great hook in the chorus that will beguile viewers and jurors alike. However, reports have it that a few more Eastern European kitchen sinks have been tossed into this one, which again is a shame as the song by itself is strong enough. Still, these fringe benefits, or liabilities, seem to be more related to some Sovietsphere competition to outdo each other and wow that market, who are the true bread and butter for these ex-Soviet singers. Nevertheless, I see Aliona into the final. See you there on Saturday!
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| Ireland's Ryan Dolan. Hype or real deal? |
So much promise, so much disappointment. If you are to go by the official video clip, Ryan seems like a bit of alright singing a 10-15 year old Eurodance track complete with the hand heart symbol that seems to have been all the rage at major events worldwide now for the past couple of years. Well... if you watched Ryan perform at Ireland's Eurovision selection segment on the Late, Late Show (such a disinterested audience!), then you would have seen yet another victim of the Irish potato diet (ouch! that's rude) badly belting out a tired dance number. It was a complete uncool mess that just screamed Irish. Now for Eurovision, Ireland is the new Ukraine when it comes to kitchen sinks in stage performances. Many of the gay fanboys have been mesmerised by Ryan's accompanying half-naked male dancers to rate this song as the bees knees and a sure finalist. My question is will the Sovietsphere or Yugosphere vote for this? I seriously doubt it. From what I've seen so far, I cannot see this making it past the semi... sorry Ryan. That video was too deceptive. Go on Ryan, please prove me wrong!
14. CYPRUS - Despina Olympiou - An me thymasai (If You Remember Me)
Oh, Miss Olympiou is Cypriot? Well blow me down. The not-so-famous Despina of the Greek music scene, she's been about for a few years, but she's not really a household name. The song is a rather dull ballad, though sung well. The bad economic situation has produced one positive at least - Despina will be on her lonesome on stage minus the fluorescent and pyro-vomiting kitchen sinks employed by some of the other contenders in this semi final. This could work in her favour, but she will be singing in Greek and the smaller nations like Cyprus find that they need to put more than three times the effort than other larger and more prominent countries. CyBC would like her to come home early, and I think their wish will be granted.
15. BELGIUM - Roberto Bellarossa - Love Kills
Only two songs ago we found out that only love survives. Apparently, the Belgian reason for this is that love kills (how sneaky of it!). It seemed like that we were still using Windows 95 when this song was chosen performed by an affable-enough bloke who, like Russia's Miss Garipova, is also a Voice winner. When first presenting the song live, there wasn't much to say about it, but the video since then (not a good barometer as to how it goes on the night - see Ireland) shows promise, and he's had the whole performance on televised stage experience, so I believe Roberto will pull it off and be award a golden ticket to see another day on stage in the final.
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| Serbia's Moje 3. Who thought these costumes were a good idea? |
What, just 16 songs? Wow, that'll make for a quick night. I might not even make it through a bottle of the vino blanco by that time. Rounding off the proceedings come Tuesday will be those Serbian sluts Mirna, Nevena and Sara. As there seems no better use for them, Serbia too decided to send off not only the winner of the second Serbian series of the Voice, but actually provide a proposed future career path as a girl band for the two runners-up as well (despite all talk that this will be their only time as a group - yeah right, like Serbia needs more singers!). It wouldn't be Serbia if there weren't some controversy with Serbia's Eurovision national selection, which this year took the façade, oops, I mean the form of a 15-song final called Beosong. From the get go social media in Serbia pretty much buzzed with the word that everything had been set up so that these girls will be heading off to Malmö. After a not-so-transparent selection process that whittled 171 entries into 15 finalists, 5 songs made it into a superfinal, which saw the past winner of a rival Serbian TV talent show (on a rival TV station to RTS) come second to the girls. No coincidence at all that the Voice Serbia is also shown on RTS, Serbia's state broadcaster in charge of the country's Eurovision entry.
Anyway, the song is pretty dire. The stage performance at Beosong featured Moje 3 acting the song's theme of a tussle between optimism and cynicism about love wearing costumes that some on Serbian forums described as 'straight from a cheap Bulgarian sex shop'. Kla$$y! Marina Tucaković wrote the lyrics to this song... she also did the 2010 Serbian entry 'Ovo je Balkan' by Milan Stanković, so that should give you an indication of standard we are talking about.
This song, unfortunately, will probably make it to the grand final on Samedi, as much as I don't want it to, but it is Serbia, the music powerhouse of the Balkans, so expect top marks from the usual ex-Yugo suspects plus some generous mid-rangers from ex-USSR. Ho hum...
There you have it! Gotta say that these songs pretty much show that the usual pizzazz and ??? of Eurovision has not been lost, and c'mon, isn't that why we watch it? Stay tuned as I go through my ticking thoughts, in the face of a wind machine and topless male dancers, about the second semi final and the automatic qualifiers (the rich kids on the block, and Spain). Happy Eurovision!
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