Eurovision 2014 - Semi Final 2 predictions

The disused wharf-cum-Eurovision venue. Scrubbed up well.

Well, what a night last night. I got eight out of ten, but mind you I did pick two (San Marino and the Netherlands) which according to preliminary reports were dead certs not to qualify. However, the Netherlands was the performance of the night. Easily it was the most authentic and convincing performance, reminding me of the simplicity and genuineness of 1994 Eurovision winner 'Rock'n'Roll Kids'. Belgium, who I had tipped to win, was presented horribly, so no surprise for it bowing out. I honestly believe that Armenia and Hungary were among the worst of the night - horrible vocals and unconvincing performances. Armenia a favourite? I'll be the judge of that. Russia's performance was fantastic, but disgusting to hear the booing from the partisan crowd when announced that the big country had qualified to the final. A case of western Europeans displaying the poor behaviour they usually level at eastern Europeans (there were no boos when Russia or Azerbaijan hosted the event). Iceland's performance was well done and I can see why they made it through, plus kids love colour and they televote. And what was with all that gold costuming? Albania, seriously?? Must add that I am so glad that it was third-time lucky for Valentina Monetta of San Marino - she deserved it!

Performers of the night: The Common Linnets from the Netherlands

Anyway, it's now semi final 2 time, and going by the semi final 1 results, anything can happen. Let's review...

1. Malta - Firelight - Coming Home
So this is a Mumford & Sons soundalike dedicated to the 100th anniversary of the start of World War I. Well, for many parts of Europe, World War I has very little significance these days, so that won't resonate. Fine enough song, though spoiled by the female solo in the middle. It'll probably go through then.

2. Israel - Mei Feingold - Same Heart
Catchy song, with Mei having forgotten to put on her skirt in the clip. However, I just find that Mei is a little too scary, and scary scary (as opposed to playful scary of Lordi) is usually a turn-off at Eurovision (Evrodiki for Cyprus, for one). Despite being very popular with the fanboys, I think that Mei's scariness, the somewhat darkness of the song and coming in second on the night will see this song not make it into the final. The hubby will be upset.

3. Norway - Carl Espen - Silent Storm
I happen to like this lamenting ballad by gentle giant Carl, even if it ends abruptly (cut to fit in the three minutes). I think the juries will love this, so long as Carl sings this well. Had it been later on it would be a definite, but I say now it's scraping in.

Gentle giant, Norway's Carl Espen

4. Georgia - The Shin and Mariko - Three Minutes to Earth
The hippy feeling of early 70s San Francisco is happening in Tbilisi, so it seems. This song has been much derided by fans and the bookies, with some saying it's coming last. However, even though I am no fan of the song, I do know that there are still many prog rock fans especially in Eastern Europe. Also, don't discount votes coming in from Belarus, Lithuania and Poland. So I see this song actually qualifying. Yes, I'm as mad as Mariko's wailing.

5. Poland - Donatan and Cleo - My Slowanie/We Are Slavic
If you like a bit of tits and arse of the female variety, mixed with tones of pan-Slavic superiority, then are you in for a treat. Definitely for the dads and Slavic nationalists. This song has been hugely popular in Poland and has been getting much pre-contest publicity (always a plus). Rap doesn't do well at Eurovision, but we may have a change here. I say it's going to the final. Be sure to cover your kids eyes though.

6. Austria - Conchita Wurst - Rise Like A Phoenix
So Austria has decided to send a bearded drag queen to Eurovision. Honestly, are we really that shocked by it all? What has been most shocking is that western Europeans have been making so much of how supposedly eastern Europeans has sooo much of a problem with this act that even on-line petitions have been started. Well, let's see.... the Belarusian petition has a total of 4000 signatures, which out a population of 9 million is hardly significant. Nothing outside of Austria has been mentioned that up until a few days ago there were far more Austrians who were part of the 'Nein zu Conchita Wurst' Facebook page than on her counterpart FB fan page. I think gender bending of this nature has equal discomfort in most parts of the world, especially since the 1980s as it now has a more general association with homosexuality when for centuries men in dresses was seen simply seen as a lark with little sexual connotation. Let's move away from social politics and let me say that the whole presentation of this song, with its Bond-theme arrangement, has been best tailored for the 'Got Talent' audience, which is the main Eurovision viewing core, and this was something that Belgium failed to capitalise on. Miss Wurst has gained much publicity pre-contest so it will be extremely shocking if she doesn't make it into the final. I mean, she's practically this year's headliner.

The Kardashians aren't ashamed of slight hormonal problems... oops, that's Conchita Wurst

7. Lithuania - Vilija Matačiūnaitė - Attention
Well, she'll be needing some as this will not go down well. No Baltics at this final.

8. Finland - Softengine - Something Better
You'd think they could have done 'something better' (ho ho, ha ha). Enough of the tired jokes, this is about 10 years ago, so that makes it modern for Eurovision standards. Nice looking guys doing a nice enough song. To the final it goes.

9. Ireland - Can-Linn feat. Kasey Smith - Heartbeat
A Ryanair version of last year's winner. The Irish selection show was boring as batshit until things got heaty, with Linda Martin and the handbags at dawn tottering her way to ... whoever he was... and they almost settled their differences out with some on-air biff! Now folks, that's entertainment (Jerry Springer knew what he was doing). Anyway, seeing that the Irish think that Europe is oh as enamoured about Irish culture as they are (just a hint, Ireland, we're not), we have an Irish-tinged flimsy pop song with two big blouses kicking up a storm in the background. You'd think they'd learnt from last year when they did the same thing and came dead last, but oh no. So won't the Irish be shocked when this doesn't make it to the final, because do you really believe people to the west of Paris will be voting for this??

If Ireland could ditch their act and get Linda Martin to tell someone off on stage instead, I'd vote for that.

10. Belarus - Teo - Cheesecake
OK, so you've probably already seen the reports of Teo being some sort of Belarusian Robin Thicke rip-off. Well, regardless, I think this song will make the final. I mean, who else will Georgia and Lithuania be voting for? And it's fun in that cringy way.

11. Macedonia - Tijana - To The Sky
When Macedonia announced as the main news item of the day many moons ago on the main TV station that Tijana would sing at Eurovision, the boffins at MKTV were so expecting that with the Belgrade-resident, married to Montenegrin, Bosnian mother Tijana, who's happens to be a well-known singer and TV presenter, would be raking in the ex-Yugo votes. Alas, with three of the big ex-Yu countries giving this year a miss, plans had to be changed, so that's why we have this song sung in English. It's a perfect example of what Macedonian composers think is something that people worldwide would like. But hey, they so don't get it. Tijana is a great performer, and the song is ok, but when you get Macedonian TV to do everything else, well, it's like getting your grandmother to design your party dress. As much as I would be jumping up and down in patriotic fervour if it makes it, I'm pretty much resigned to it coming in 11th.

12. Switzerland - Sebalter - Hunter of Stars
Whistling and too cheery. Nah.

We all like whistling said no one at Eurovision. Swiss whistler Sebalter.

13. Greece - Freaky Fortune feat. RiskkyKid - Rise Up
Great start to this song, but that's it. There's no chorus, middle or proper end to it. It's like they went 'OK, let's compose a song' and it ended up being 9 minutes long, so they just cut it at the 3 minute mark. Still, it'll get the crowd going and for most this will be the first time that they'll hear Balkan brass being mixed into something clubby, so it'll sound 'original'. It's going to the final.

14. Slovenia - Tinkara Kovač - Round and Round
I've warmed to this song of late, but most of Europe would have not. It's decent enough, but the song sounds eerily similar to Lithuania's earlier in the night (who knows, familiarity by this time might breed the opposite of contempt), but Slovenia really has a tough time grabbing attention, so I say it's missing out again. Better luck next time with a Ukrainian hamster wheel.

15. Romania - Paula Seling and OVI - Miracle
Yes, the Romanian scary couple from 2010 are back (such variety TV show presenters - she's the beautiful one while he's the ugly lech with the bad hair). A few kitchen sinks have been chucked in but I say this will make it into the final because the juries and televoters will think by now that they've only picked nine out of ten favs so by default this one becomes number 10.

Romania's Paula Seling (left) goes for a soft, natural look, while OVI (right) is... erm.. well, he likes capital letters.

You know, based on what we saw on Tuesday night, I'm probably completely wrong. I'll keep my finger on the pulse for those zany (but usually true) voting rumours, and I'll be back before Saturday to give you my simple thoughts on the big 5 + Denmark and who I think will win (no bloody idea as yet... could be Georgia or even one of the countries that have already been eliminated for all I know). Happy Eurovision! P.s. don't boo!